What do you call a woman bouncing on a birthing ball, eating truckloads of pineapple and spicy curry, fervently ingesting castor oil, while simultaneously having sex with her husband? Insane, yes, but not to her face unless of course you are comfortable losing an eye.
I have discovered that women in the throes of the final few weeks of pregnancy will do just about anything to shorten what begins to feel like a life sentence. The beauty of pregnancy begins to wane somewhere around the 39th week and desperation often takes hold of a once sensible woman.
Ahhh, and then comes the continual Google searches. Simply type in the words natural labor induction and you will get a long list of sites detailing some of the things you can try to gently encourage your little one out of the womb. The results are a mixed lot of suggestions that can be likened to fetish porn. Copious amounts of sex and nipple stimulation are deemed natural labor inducers; these techniques seem to be the most effective, as they top the list on many of these sites. I have not met too many pregnant women, who have the time nor the inclination to go through with the aforementioned methods; however, desperate times call for desperate measures. There are many women on the internet that claim these two methods worked for them and are happily cradling their newborn bundle of joy. Reading such claims only makes me want their blood, sorry these pregnancy hormones have transformed me into a bit of a bitch.
I too have fallen prey to some of the natural induction methods. I have been eating pineapple, drinking red raspberry leaf tea, taking evening primrose, bouncing on the birthing ball, taking long walks, eating spicy food—you name it I’ve tried it! Okay, so I’m not on my birthing ball having sex with my husband, please blight this image from your mind, ahem, moms who read this blog. I will admit if I had the time and energy I would make an attempt. Thankfully, my boys keep me quite busy and sexy time on the birth ball is not happening, sorry honey.
I have always heard that babies arrive when they decide it is time. No amount of sex or pineapple will evict them from your uterus. Unfortunately, being patient and enjoying the moment is about all you can do. If you want my advice, don’t waste your time on the various natural induction methods, snuggle your babies, enjoy your family, and revel in the wonders of pregnancy (yes, I know this is difficult at the end).
Today I plan to spend time with my boys and spend the day giving them my undivided attention. Yes, my breakfast will consist of pineapple and I plan to take a long walk with my family, but I have no false hopes of any of this bringing on labor. I will marvel at how lucky I am to have such a great family and appreciate the time I have to spend with my boys. I will even find humor fielding their curious questions about the baby and how the baby will make its way out of my womb; however, I will emphasize that these questions are best posed in the privacy of our own home. Not quite sure if pure unadulterated honesty is the best policy when explaining some of these things to a three year old. Yesterday my son decided to give the waiting crowds at the hair salon a much needed anatomy lesson—proudly announcing that his new baby sister will soon be coming out of my vagina. I can smile about it now, but yesterday was a different story…
And now for a few pictures of the most important people in my life…